Do you ever have those moments where you think “what have we done?” followed immediately by overwhelming love and gratitude? Welcome to life with two children. If you’re reading this whilst pregnant with baby number two, or you’ve just welcomed your second baby earthside, let me be the first to say — you’ve got this. Even when it feels like you absolutely don’t.
I’m not going to lie to you, the transition from one child to two is a whole different ball game. With Winnie, I thought I had this parenting thing somewhat figured out. She had her routines, we’d found our rhythm. Then along came baby number two, and suddenly it felt like starting from scratch.
But here’s the thing — it’s also been one of the most beautiful, chaotic, exhausting, heart-expanding experiences of my life. So let me share what I’ve learned (and am still learning) about navigating this wild transition.
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Preparing your firstborn (and yourself)
In hindsight, there really was no preparing her for what was to come – because we didn’t know ourselves how much change a new baby would bring. But I believe we did all we could.
Part of the process of preparing our daughter was all rolled in with preparing for the baby. Winnie was still in her cot at 2 years old, so the first step was the transition to a single bed. We skipped the toddler bed because she loves a cuddle in bed – and my back was wrecked after 18 months of snuggling in her cot bed at 2am most nights (or sleeping on her floor next to her… that’s for another post). We had recently moved house, so we let her settle into her new home for a couple of months before introducing this additional change.
Next it was toilet training. I had struggled with this stage the most, with many false starts along the way. But as the baby’s due date grew closer, I knew we had to give it our best shot. Once the baby arrived, it wouldn’t be the right time to expect Winnie to accept more change – especially when her brother was allowed nappies.
We talked about her baby brother every day, and went through her toys and books together, helping her to choose things her baby brother would like to play with now she’s bigger. We talked about the changes, and reassured her we were always here to answer questions (some children at this age might not need this, however Winnie was very chatty even at 2 years old). We also read the ‘Little Big Chats’ books, to help her learn how to identify and talk about her feelings. There is a series of books available on Amazon which are all fantastic, and the ‘Feelings’ book is a favourite in our home.
I saw a recommendation from a YouTuber, to buy your eldest a gift from the baby and she chose a kids camera from Amazon. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for this idea. My daughter loved it, but we also have photos of the baby and us during those first weeks from her view – priceless.
The changes no one warned me about (or really speaks about)
After what felt like the longest 9 months of my life (pregnancy hits different with a toddler to chase), we became parents of two! The first thing I remember being such a shock, was how my perception of my daughter changed. She suddenly looked huge! It was a strange feeling, and with it came this distance I never expected. On top of the hormones wreaking havoc, my husband became her primary parent whilst I cared for and breastfed our newborn.
Once we had settled into a rhythm with Marlow, I was able to find moments for one-to-one time with Winnie. This is the advice everyone gives you, and I’ll be honest — I rolled my eyes at first. How on earth was I supposed to carve out one-on-one time when I could barely find time to brush my teeth? But we carved out one hour a day before she went to bed, where I played with her in her room. I cannot emphasise how impactful this was, for her but mostly for me to feel that connection with her.
This time doesn’t have to be elaborate. It can be ten minutes of reading together whilst the baby naps. It can be letting your eldest help you make dinner whilst the baby sits in their bouncer. It can be a quick trip to the corner shop, just the two of you. These small moments matter more than the grand gestures. Winnie lights up when it’s “our time”, even if it’s just me jumping in her bath with her to make ‘pink tea’ with her bath coffee machine (the best bath toy ever made in my opinion). And it alleviates my guilt… for a short while anyway.
Oh, the guilt. Guilt that your eldest isn’t getting your undivided attention anymore. Guilt that your newborn doesn’t get the same relaxed first-time-parent experience their sibling had. Guilt that you’re not giving either of them enough. Let’s be real — the guilt is relentless.
The logistics of two children (or should I say, the Olympics?)
When you have one child, you can tag team. One parent handles the baby whilst the other catches up on sleep, does the food shop, or just sits in peace with a cup of tea that’s actually still hot. With two? Those days are gone. The maths doesn’t add up anymore. Every outing requires military-level planning. Every bedtime feels like you’re negotiating a hostage situation whilst also keeping a tiny human alive. You take turns with each child, you swap when things get tough, and you savour every moment of rest in between.
Firstly, you have to lower your standards (seriously, lower them). If you’re anything like me, you probably had routines and standards with your first child. Regular mealtimes, wholesome cooked meals, limited screen time, educational activities, keeping on top of the laundry. With two? Ha. Survival mode activated.
There have been days where the TV has been on far longer than I care to admit. Days where I’ve realised at 3pm that nobody has brushed their teeth yet. Days where we were too stressed to cook or eat so Winnie had a Happy Meal. And you know what? We’ve all survived. The house will be messier. The washing will pile up. You’ll probably forget important things that would have mortified you before, like appointments. Or like me, you’ll leave the buggy at the side of the road after nursery pick-up, because you were so focused on getting both children in the car safely. Give yourself permission to let things slide. This season is about survival, not perfection.
I had to learn ‘tricks of the trade’ pretty quickly. Like leaving the boot open on the car as a reminder not all the stuff had made it in yet. Or parking with the baby’s door to the pathway, and letting my eldest climb through the passenger side so she’s not running loose whilst I strap baby in. Always making Winnie a packed lunch in the morning and for outings, so no matter what chaos the day or my newborn threw at me that day, she was fed. When I put my son down for a nap I no longer have the fight of keeping Winnie entertained and out of Marlow’s room. Instead, she brings her baby and a blanket in, and copies me rocking her to sleep. There is beauty to be found in the chaos, sometimes it takes thought, sometimes all it takes is to let go and the children work things out for themselves.
We also have to talk car journeys. Some babies just don’t like the car, Marlow is one of them. This is fine during the days of having one child, during family outings I would hop in the back to soothe Winnie when she cried. But with two? I have actual bruises from squeezing myself in the middle seat between two car seats, when my son is losing his little mind. I’m not sure if the solution for me is a bigger car or eating less biscuits…
The feeding juggle
I breastfed Marlow exclusively until 10 months when we moved to combination feeding, and now purely bottles at 11 months. Whether you’re breastfeeding, bottle feeding, or combination feeding — feeding two children at different stages is an Olympic sport. I’ve breastfed the baby whilst simultaneously making Winnie’s lunch. I’ve had my eldest climb on my back whilst I’m trying to get the baby latched. I’ve cried into my breakfast because I just wanted five minutes to eat in peace, without being bitten or my hair pulled.
Set up feeding stations around your house. I had a basket in the living room and bedroom with snacks, water, lip balm and muslins. I saw other mums suggesting ‘busy baskets’ for their eldest to play with during feeds. But honestly my daughter gets bored of independent play so quickly, that just wouldn’t work for her. I usually fed and played simultaneously when she wasn’t happy playing doctors with her toys. Magnetic tiles were a big hit! And when nothing else worked, we watched a video on TV about something that interested her that week (like snakes or lightning), she chose a programme to watch, or played counting/alphabet games on the Amazon Fire Kids.
And if you need to pop the baby down safely for a moment to tend to your eldest? That’s okay. They won’t remember the two minutes they cried whilst you helped their sibling. But the oldest will remember that you were there for both of them.
Bedtime
Bedtime with one child can be challenging. Bedtime with two children is like herding cats whilst juggling flaming torches. Both need you. Both want you. Neither wants to sleep.
We staggered bedtimes initially — putting Winnie down first, then the baby. This worked until Marlow got older and his bedtime aligned with Winnies. As I breastfed, only I could put Marlow to bed, so my husband put Winnie to bed. It worked like this until my son finally accepted a bottle (why don’t they tell you bottle refusal is a thing!?) and we could start alternating bedtimes and getting to enjoy this special one on one time with them both.
I’ve only had to tackle one bedtime alone as of yet, with a lot of back and forth between rooms, resettling baby. But for me, putting baby to bed first works best, and then my daughter gets my full attention. However if my baby won’t play ball – it will probably be play time for them both until one gives in!
Asking for help isn’t weakness
I’m terrible at asking for help, I feel awful doing it. I convince myself I should be able to handle everything because, well, other people manage, don’t they?
But here’s what I’ve learned, accepting help isn’t admitting defeat, it’s being smart. When someone offers to hold the baby whilst you play with your eldest, say yes. When your mum offers to come round and do a load of washing, say yes. When friends ask what you need, give them an actual answer instead of “oh, we’re fine!” And vice versa, when your friend jokes they have run out of bread, take round a few slices (yes, I’ve done this). Make this the norm in your friendship groups, in your family – and this mythical ‘village’ everyone talks about becomes reality.
Your tribe is there to support you. Let them. You don’t get medals for struggling alone. You get burn out.
The magical moments
Right, I’ve painted quite a chaotic picture. But amongst all the madness, there are these moments of pure magic that make everything worthwhile.
Watching your eldest gently kiss their sibling’s head. Seeing them both laugh at the same silly thing. The first time your baby’s eyes light up when their big sibling enters the room. These moments are pure gold.
Yes, the transition is hard. Yes, there are days where you’ll question everything. But there are also days where your heart feels so full you think it might burst. Days where you look at your two children and think “we made this happen. This beautiful, chaotic family.”
What actually helped me
Let me give you some practical things that genuinely helped during those early weeks and months:
- Batch cooking before the baby arrived saved us. Having meals in the freezer meant we weren’t living on takeaways (though there were definitely plenty of those too).
- Writing out two one-week meal plans which we could alternate, with accompanying shopping lists. Along with a staples shopping list. This made the food shop much easier. I also loved using the Ocado app (before maternity pay ended!) to save these lists, and complete my food shop in under 5 minutes.
- Writing out a cleaning check list and schedule to keep on top of the essentials throughout the week. But I will also be honest and say that after 1 month of being a mum of two, I booked a fortnightly cleaner and have never looked back. Even after my maternity pay ended, we cut back on other things, but our cleaner was part of the family at this point.
- A good baby carrier was essential. It meant I could tend to Winnie whilst keeping the baby close and content. However I did suffer with postpartum back pain, so I didn’t rate carriers as much as I know other mums might.
- Finding other parents navigating the same transition. Whether that’s online communities or local groups, connecting with people who understand is incredibly valuable. I went for a regular coffee with another mum friend in the same boat as me, attended mum and baby yoga classes occasionally and messaged my best mum friends 24/7.
- Staying in bed to change and feed the baby, reducing the noise in the house for my eldest asleep. The Zello night light and white noise machine I used was brilliant for this, giving me enough light to change the baby but not wake my partner.
- Reminding myself daily that this is just a phase. The intensity of the early days won’t last forever. They’ll grow, things will settle, and one day I’ll probably miss this chaos (probably).
Be kind to yourself
If I could go back and give myself one piece of advice before bringing baby number two home, it would be this: be kind to yourself and take breaks whenever the opportunity arises.
You’re not going to get everything right. You’ll have moments where you lose your patience. You’ll feel overwhelmed and under-qualified. You’ll maybe even wonder if you’re completely messing up both of your children. But you’re not. You’re learning a new dance with an extra partner, and it takes time to find your rhythm. Some days will be harder than others, some I go to sleep crying with the guilt of not getting it all right. Some days you’ll feel like you’re absolutely nailing it. Most days will be somewhere in between.
The transition from one to two children is huge. It’s exhausting and challenging and will test you in ways you didn’t expect. But it’s also full of beautiful moments, unexpected joy, and a love that somehow multiplies rather than divides.
I also want to remind you that if you’re struggling mentally, there is support available. Burnout can happen to anyone, but it isn’t something we have to just endure alone. I myself experienced burnout after 7 weeks of solo parenting during the summer holidays when my husband was working overtime, but with therapy and practical changes, I recovered. Something I will talk more about on the blog soon.
Be kind to yourself. Ask for help. Lower your standards. Keep your sense of humour. And remember — tomorrow is a new day.
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