When friends and family have happy occasions or achievements to celebrate, we often appear with cards and flowers. So we should do the same when they have a baby right? Whilst we mean well, there are much more helpful offerings that new parents would be grateful to receive.
Cutting stems and arranging a bouquet may be the last thing a new mum wants to do after 2 hours sleep, no breakfast, wearing yesterdays clothes covered in baby sick – as beautiful as they look.
Here are some simple gestures which will go a long way to helping tired new parents during those early weeks – when they probably don’t remember their own names. Every journey is different. Some mamas and/or babies need a little extra care in the hospital before coming home, or may even be re-admitted a few days later like our baby girl, Winnie. The range of ideas below can inspire ways to support new parents, how ever the introduction to parenthood may look for them.
1. Doorstep drop offs
It can be tricky for new parents to get out the house and pick up those bits they would usually pop to the local supermarket for. I think many mums and dads would agree, there is no “popping’ out for anything anymore, it’s a whole expedition. So in the first few days or weeks before visits are welcomed, offer to drop off essentials. Maybe even consider adding a few treats – like their favourite Starbucks they have been missing.
2. Cook or purchase healthy wholesome meals
Cooking is the last thing on your mind when sleep deprived and focussing all your energy on keeping a little human alive. Especially if they have just drifted off and the clanging of pots and pans threatens to wake the sleeping beauty. Yet fuelling with hearty meals is essential to surviving the newborn phase, particularly if breastfeeding. This can burn an additional 500 calories a day on average.
Buy easy oven meals like Marks & Spencers ‘Dine In For Two’ range. Alternatively double up on your home cooking to share the love. Making vegetable lasagne for tea? Make an extra for them which can be reheated or frozen for another day.
3. Offer to do chores
Babies might be tiny, but for something so small they create an obscene amount of washing. Offer to come and put on a load, hoover, change the beds or clean the bathroom. Taking away these little stresses can make all the difference to new parents, and leaves behind a calm environment conducive of calm minds.
4. Sit with baby whilst mama naps
We’ve all heard that classic piece of advice – “sleep when the baby sleeps”. It sounded so easy and obvious… until I had a baby. When the baby napped I then had to get showered, dressed, eat, drink, tidy/clean, wash her clothes – oh and anxiously watch her every breath!
If that’s your friend, offer to sit and keep a watchful eye over the baby whilst they catch up on some much needed quality slumber themselves without worrying.
5. Provide snacks
When sleep is a luxury for new parents, other sources of energy are required to get through every day. But food preparation often falls to the bottom of the to do list for new parents. When visiting, come prepared with ready to eat snacks, such as veg sticks and dip, banana loaf, cheese and crackers, pastries or even homemade lactation oat cookies for breastfeeding mamas.
6. Accompany mamas first outings
Generally speaking, one parent often becomes the primary care giver whilst the other returns to work. So a time will inevitable come where mum or dad has to venture out the house for the first time alone with baby in tow. Offer to meet them out somewhere they feel comfortable, or play host for their first outing.
I know for me, the initial prospect of breastfeeding in public was really overwhelming. So I really appreciated having someone accompany me to a local cafe or park for those first outings.
7. Listen
Becoming a parent is without a doubt, life changing. There is nothing that can prepare you for it. Both new mums and dads go through a lot in those first few weeks… well and months/years! There is the initial newborn phase, also know as the forth trimester, where everything is new. And just as you think you have gotten this parenting lark figured out and your baby sussed, they change the rules.
On top of this, a birthing mother has a cocktail of hormones swirling around and a body they hardly recognise which needs to heel after tremendous trauma. As well as the physical recovery (which can take up to a year), the mental recovery may be the toughest. Talk to new parents, make sure they are ok, and be a friendly listening ear. If you are concerned there are clues pointing towards post-natal depression or anxiety (remember dads can be impacted too!), support them to consider reaching out to a GP or local service.
I myself completed 3 months of cognitive behavioural therapy through a local NHS service to help me manage post-natal anxiety, and i’m so very grateful for the support. P.s. If you or someone you know is affected by post-natal anxiety, my DMs are always open for a chat.
8. Take older children out
Bringing a new baby home is wonderful, however it comes with challenges whether it’s your first or third. Its a huge transition for first-time parents, but it’s also a big change for young first-time brothers or sisters. If parents oblige, treat the older children to a fun day out just for them whilst at the same time providing the parents at home with a break.
9. Respect boundaries and give space if requested
Having said all this, for some people, doing absolutely nothing is their biggest wish! It can be incredibly overwhelming to invite even close friends and family into that newborn bubble. So wait to be invited, wait to be offered a cuddle with the baby, ask what they would find helpful and follow the new parents lead.
I remember in those first few weeks as I navigated post-natal anxiety, I really struggled when people took the baby out of my sight, so be mindful of cues. Sometimes the question “would you like me to take her back now?” can actually mean, “i’d like my baby back now please”.
10. Babysit
Last but not least, and possibly the most obvious – offer to babysit! This might even be just for an hour, so the new parents can go for a walk. It’s amazing how a newborn can suck you into this vortex where you forget everything that exists beyond them and their needs. There is no shame in needing a little break to feel refreshed, grounded and to spend quality time with a partner.
Bonus Tip: Once invited to visit, offer to take a family photo. As disheveled and tired as we were, I am so grateful for both our parents for snapping precious photos of us as a new family of three.
Share this post with parents to be, or if that’s you, hit share to prepare family and friends to support you in those early weeks.
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Remember to fill your cup. Rosie Louise x
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